“Many people are trying to make disciples without first making friends.”
- David Garda
- Jun 24
- 3 min read
By Dave Garda & Bill Allison
I have a question.
What if one of the biggest reasons disciplemaking feels difficult today is because we are trying to make disciples without first making friends?
I know.
That statement may sound a little uncomfortable.
After all, Jesus commanded us to make disciples, not friends.
At least that’s what many of us have been taught.
But when I read the Gospels, I keep noticing something.
Jesus did both.
In fact, I’m not sure we can separate the two.
Jesus Didn’t Build a Program
Jesus certainly preached to crowds.
Thousands gathered to hear Him teach.
He healed crowds.
Fed crowds.
Ministered to crowds.
But the crowds were never His primary strategy.
His primary strategy was people.
A few people.
People He could know.
People who could know Him.
People who would learn not only from His words, but from His life.
Jesus didn’t simply recruit followers.
He shared life.
He walked dusty roads with people.
Sat around tables with people.
Answered questions.
Asked questions.
Visited homes.
Attended weddings.
Shared meals.
Celebrated.
Grieved.
Laughed.
Prayed.
His disciplemaking happened in the middle of real life.
Friendship Was Not a Ministry Tactic
Near the end of His earthly ministry, Jesus looked at His disciples and said:
“I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends.” — John 15:15 (NLT)
I’ve read that verse many times.
But recently I stopped and asked myself a simple question:
Why did Jesus say that?
Why not simply call them disciples?
Why not call them followers?
Why not call them servants?
Why friends?
The more I think about it, the more I believe friendship wasn’t an accidental byproduct of Jesus’ ministry.
It was part of the ministry.
Friendship created the environment where growth could happen.
Friendship created the trust that allowed hard conversations.
Friendship created the safety needed for correction.
Friendship created opportunities for encouragement.
Friendship created room for transformation.
Jesus wasn’t using people to accomplish a mission.
He loved people.
And in the process, He helped them become the kind of people who could help others follow God.
We Learn Best Up Close
Jesus understood something we often forget.
People are rarely transformed by information alone.
Transformation usually happens up close.
The disciples didn’t simply hear Jesus teach about prayer.
They watched Him pray.
They didn’t merely hear lessons about compassion.
They witnessed compassion.
They didn’t simply hear teachings about loving people.
They experienced His love firsthand.
Day after day they observed a life fully directed toward the Father.
The disciples learned because they were close enough to see.
Close enough to ask questions.
Close enough to imitate.
Close enough to be changed.
That’s a very different model than simply attending an event once a week.
The Relational Genius of Jesus
One of the things that fascinates me most about Jesus is how much of His ministry happened in ordinary places.
Roads.
Tables.
Fishing boats.
Homes.
Long walks.
Unplanned interruptions.
When we read the Gospels carefully, Jesus often seems less interested in creating events and more interested in creating opportunities for relationship.
He listened.
He asked questions.
He told stories.
He explained Scripture.
He welcomed interruptions.
He invited people to come along.
His genius was not merely what He taught.
His genius was how He shared His life.
Maybe We’ve Been Starting in the Wrong Place
What if disciplemaking doesn’t begin with a curriculum?
What if it doesn’t begin with a program?
What if it doesn’t even begin with a meeting?
What if it begins with friendship?
Not shallow friendship.
Not casual acquaintance.
Not networking.
Genuine friendships centered on following Jesus together.
The kind of friendships where people can ask honest questions.
Share struggles.
Celebrate victories.
Pray for one another.
Open God’s Word together.
Encourage one another.
Help one another stay aimed toward God.
Those are the kinds of relationships where disciples naturally grow.
A Few Questions
As I think about my own life, these questions keep coming back to me:
Who am I helping follow Jesus?
Who is helping me follow Jesus?
Which friendships in my life are helping me become more like Christ?
Am I trying to make disciples without first making friends?
The goal is not to build a bigger program.
The goal is not simply to transfer information.
The goal is to follow Jesus together.
One friendship.
One conversation.
One table.
One shared journey at a time.
Because that is how Jesus launched a disciplemaking movement.
And it may still be His preferred way today.
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